HANDLER FEED // DEVIATION REPORTS

Deviations

Relevant: Must relate to gender diversity / trans experience.
Good-faith: Personal experience or reflection (sincere).
Safety: No hate/harassment, no calls for harm, no explicit sexual content. Slurs only if quoted/described in context and not used as an attack.
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Result: The system returns [APPROVED] or [DENIED: reason] .

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Content warning

Memoirs may include dysphoria, harassment, family conflict, mental health, or other difficult experiences. Read at your pace. If you need to step away, that’s valid.

STREAM: LIVE RENDERED(UTC): 2026-06-17 09:34:07 SUBJECT: catdad STATUS: ARCHIVED

When I started transitioning in 2019, I never imagined it would be this hard. I knew at the time that there were a small handful of anti-trans policies out there. A bathroom ban here or there. Maybe my optimism "blinded" me to the potential challenges I would face. Instead of worrying, I looked forward to the dysphoria easing and was excited about my new name and style of presentation. Exploring myself and building a new me was so, so rewarding and I would of course do it again, even knowing the consequences. But I didn't know I'd be worrying about living in this state everyday. I couldn't predict the cost of community. I didn't know I'd be showing up in the ICU to demand answers from doctors mistreating a friend in a vulnerable position. I couldn't know I'd be driving folks I barely knew to the psych ward when they didn't feel safe, or that I'd become the first responder to someone's attempted suicide after they wouldn't go to the hospital. I didn't know I'd meet so many people who'd manage to move away before I could. Sometimes I feel like I've been left behind, though I know friends who've offered me a halfway place in Minnesota or Canada. It's not only the money -- I can't seem to leave for some reason. I feel like one of those boiling frogs. I was born in this pot, I shouldn't have to leave. There's so much uncertainty. Everything feels like the wrong decision; there's no guarantee it wouldn't get worse somewhere else. So I might as well stay. I just wish i knew what to do.